Zootopia television script: Z-Cops
by Dan Rush
Summary: Z-Cops is a play on the long running television show "COPS" showing a day in the life of ZPD precinct one.
1. Chapter 1

ZCOPS

A Zootopia television script

By Dan 1966

© Zootopia. Disney Animated Studios 2016

For fandom enjoyment only. No monitary gains sought nor desired. All rights respected.

Forewords: This script is based off the long running real life police docu-drama "COPS" and follows the officers of Zootopia Precinct One on an average day long shift. The profiled officers are…..

Chief Bogo (Cape Buffalo)

Officer Benjamin Clawhouser (Cheetah)

Officers Judy Hopps (Bunny) and Nick Wilde (Fox)

Officer John Merkhorn (African Rhino)

Officer Carlo Grizolli (Polar Bear)

Officer Brett Fangmeyer (Grey Timber Wolf)

Officer Pete Wolford (White Arctic Wolf)

 **ACT I**

 **Opening Title Block for Z COPS**

Video: watch?v=4ULYLB5fcrM&feature=

Background music: **COPS** there redone to a Zootopia animal describing vocabulary.

Opening Title block narrator at the end of the title block run: Z COPS is filmed on location with the mammals of Law Enforcement. All Suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.

Fade out Background music: **COPS** there redone to a Zootopia animal describing vocabulary.

End title block

(Fade out to Black)

(Fade from black to scene)

 **Scene Location: First Precinct Zootopia Police Department.**

Scene: Camera starts with a moving overhead shot of Police HQ

Screen text: 1st Precinct Zootopia Police Department….Downtown.

 **Scene Shift**

 **Scene Location: Inside First Precinct Zootopia Police Department.**

Scene: Chief Bogo walking through the lobby. Various small and large animals from Mice to Elephants greet him as he enters.

Screen text: 5am

Scene: The camera follows Chief Bogo to his office.

Chief Bogo: (voice) My name is Tonstell Bogo (Tonstell means "Tons of Steel" in African) I've been Chief of Police here in Zootopia for five years now, I have a total of fifteen years on the force. On of my chief tenets that I impart to all our officers is that you come to work early so you can go home alive. A patrol officer should hit the streets not worrying about administration and other things that could have been squared up in the time they had between coming through the front door and jumping into their vehicles for the day's work. When the clock starts? The focus has to be centered on serving the community. We run a very efficient, orderly and professional organization here.

Scene: Chief Bogo at his desk speaking to the camera.

Chief Bogo: I'm proud to say we have quite a diverse yet totally professional group of officers in this department, I never have to take anyone to task for something worse than a badly creased uniform. We perform well because every officer takes their work with absolute seriousness.

 **Scene Shift**

 **Scene: The Bullpen. The morning briefing room.**

Background Music Starts: James Brown's "Get up off of that thing!"

Screen Text: Morning Briefing room nicknamed "The Bull Pen."

Scene: The camera is outside the Bull Pen. When it enters the room we see Officers Grizolli, Fangmeyer and Wooford up front dancing to the music. Grizolli is lip sinking to a spoon while Fangmeyer and Wolford are dancing, shaking tails and wagging butts in unison. The rest of the officers in the room are dancing, swinging arms and yelling "GET UP OFF OF THAT THING!" when that phrase comes up!

Scene: Camera focuses on Judy Hopps and Nick Wild. Nick is wearing his sunglasses.

Screen Text: Officer Judy Hopps

Judy: Did the Chief tell you we were all stiff necked professionals?

Screen Text: Officer Nick Wilde

Nick: Boy were you substantially misinformed.

Scene: Nick jumps onto his table and swings his tail and butt about.

Judy: WOOOOOOOOOOO! SHAKE THAT TUSH NICK!

Scene: Nick struts over the table, spin dances around with Francine (Female Elephant) and ends up doing a sort of Russian style kick dance when Chief Bogo enters the room…

Chief Bogo: ENOUGH! SIT!

Background Music abrupt ends: James Brown's "Get up off of that thing!"

Scene: Grizolli, Fangmeyer and Wooford scramble ass and tail to their seats. Nick falls off the table and scrambles for his chair.

Chief Bogo: Absolutely disgraceful! We're being visited by Z Cops today and you officers loose your damn minds! Are you trying to make our department look like a bunch of rowdy, undisciplined animals?

Scene: All the officers look guilty but look at themselves and each other as if to hint…."Uh Chief? We are animals."

Scene: Chief Bogo slips on his reading glasses.

Chief Bogo: Well guess what? Your attempt at boogy'ing down sucks and I just don't care.

Scene: Chief Bogo goes stiff and points.

Background Music Starts: James Brown's "Get up off of that thing!"

Scene: Chief Bogo starts lip sinking, strutting, dancing, spinning and the Bull Pen goes crazy again!

Chief Bogo: (Voice) I forgot to mention that it helps to allow a little light hearted insanity every now and then to break the tension.

Background Music ends: James Brown's "Get up off of that thing!"

 **Scene Shift**

Scene: The seriousness and decorum of the morning briefing returns. Chief Bogo is at the podium with all the officers giving him respectful attention.

Chief Bogo: Good morning. First the opening sundries. We're seeing a little spike in reports of "Super Nip" among our young Feline predators in both the Middle and High School numbers which means we must double down on both education and preventative actions. Officer Francine (Elephant), You're scheduled to give the "Just Say No." presentation for a week starting next week at the Middle School. Captain Ajax (African Rhino) from SWAT will do the High School Presentation. The Police Officer's frolic...which obviously some of you were "trying" to practice for…

Chief Bogo: Officer Wolford?

Scene: Wolford perks up.

Chief Bogo: What do you call that dance you were doing? You looked like a dog chasing after a car.

Scene: Wolford slouches like he's been put down and all the other animal officers razzle him.

Chief Bogo: Actually Peter? You were a little above average. The last note has to do with cruisers. The chief mechanic in the garage is getting a little annoyed. One of you has been leaving gobs of gum and chewing leaves under the dash. Please don't let me catch you doing something that disgusting…..I'm not talking about you there Officer Dundee.

Scene: Dundee (A Koala) is moving to put a gob of chewed leaves under his table. Instead he puts the wet sloppy ball in his uniform pocket where it soaks through and drips.

Chief Bogo: And now onto the day's assignments….

1\. Officer Merkhorn….traffic patrol, highways and major through fares.

2\. Officer Grizolli...Tundratown roving patrol.

3\. Officers Fangmeyer and Wolford...Rain Forest District roving patrol.

4\. Officers Hopps and Wilde….solicitation stinging.

Scene: When the officers in the room hear Hopps and Wilde have been put on solicitation stinging (anti-prostitution John and Pimp snatching) they do cat calls and howls. Nick does not look enthused at all.

Chief Bogo: Alright...everyone keep safe on the streets today. And by the way? Officer Clawhauser is spending for a pizza delivery this afternoon at 5pm, everyone is invited to come back to the station to eat. Dismissed.

Scene: We see Nick get up with Judy behind him and chase after Chief Bogo into a hallway.

Nick: Chief? Chief?

Chief Bogo: Yes Wilde?

Nick: I just wanted to point out that this has been the fifth time you've had me and Officer Hopps on Solicitation within the last two weeks. Isn't there….anyone else who could take this assignment?

Chief Bogo: The reason you get it Mister Wilde is because you've been effective at it. Last time you bagged what? 17?

Nick: I know I've been effective Sir...well….you must understand how….how… I mean come on Chief...kinda share the pain around here you know?

Chief Bogo: Wilde? The handycapp here happens to be that you're from the most desirable species in Zootopia which gets solicited. And….your hustling skills are par above excellent in catching perps. And think about this Wilde….because of you...how many Vixens have you saved from a sad and abusive way of life?

Scene: Nick looks down at first then perks up when he realizes the ultimate importance of what he and Judy are doing.

Nick: I'll suck it up.

Chief Bogo: Why do you think no one here dares to razzle you outside the bull pen Officer Wilde? Because they'd have to face me. No one dares to face me. You go out there and make a new record of arrest and this time if you can? Bring in more sellers….especially this scum bag.

Scene: Chief Bogo hands Nick a folder.

Chief Bogo: I need to explain more about this dirty low life. Both of you take care and do a good job.

Scene: Nick and Judy salute as Bogo walks away.

Scene fade to Z COP logo and black

Scene fade in from black

Scene fade into Z COP logo and then into scene.

 **Scene Location: 1st Precinct vehicle parking area**

Scene: Officer Merkhorn is walking to his cruiser.

Scene text: Officer John Merkhorn. 8 years on the force.

Merkhorn: Hello, I'm John Merkhorn, I've been a ZPD officer for eight years now.

Scene: Merkhorn shows off the various weapons ZPD officers carry on their person and in their crusier.

Merkhorn: Each officer on the force has weapons and equipment tailored to both their size and of course the size of any offenders we encounter. In the non-lethal weapons category we carry three different size dart and taser guns. This one here is for animals from the size of otters to canines. This one here goes from canines to horses…

Scene: Merkhorn reaches into the cruiser and pulls out a serious looking rifle.

Merkhorn: And this mother here is for all your heavyweights from horses to bull elephants...fortunately? I've never had to use this sucker. We also have two bullet shooters...I carry a 9mm handgun and there's an Atcherson AR-15 long rifle in the trunk. Thankfully, I've never had to pull them.

Merkhorn: We larger animals don't normally handle the rodent population, there's a special precinct to cover them. Obviously if I tried to use even my small taser on a mouse? You'll have fried mouse and….that's not so good for public relations.

Scene: We see Merkhorn's cruiser pull out of the precinct and roll along the streets of downtown.

Merkhorn: Now except for the highways, you really have to be extra careful when cruising the streets because of the various sizes of the cars and trucks. Different animals require unique and diverse sizes of cars and if you're not careful when you're driving...you could seriously make some otter's or Merkat's day not so pleasant. For the most part though, they designed the city to be very accommodating. We're turning onto the 394 which is the loop highway that runs around the city and through the Tri-Burrough's. Inter-run Highway 1 crosses through all the major city fares. You can see that on the highway the car sizes are segregated so we don't have to worry about really bad accidents…..

Scene: A car going very fast cuts another one off at the merge point of an on ramp.

Merkhorn: Just occasionally very bad drivers.

Scene: Merkhorn speeds up and hits his lights and siren as he chases and pulls over a much aged blue two door car. The camera stays in the cruiser while Merkhorn walks up to the offending car.

Merkhorn: Good morning Sir? May I see your license, registration and proof of insurance please? Do you realize why I pulled you over?

Offender: (That mountain lion or Puma from the old Looney Tunes cartoons who goes "EEEEEEEE" every time he speaks) EEEEEEEE yeah officer….I was going too fast on the on ramp, I admit that. I was trying to beat out that EEEEEEEEEE other car.

Merkhorn: Well just sit tight Sir. Good thing you're being honest with me. I have to do this of course, standard check, I'll be right back.

Scene: Merkhorn returns to his cruiser and checks his computer.

Merkhorn: That's the most common traffic infraction out here, you get in a hurry or whatever excuse and think you can force your way into morning traffic... Hmmmm….this one has an open court warrant, no show on his court date.

Scene: Merkhorn gets out of the Cruiser and goes back to the offending car.

Merkhorn: Sir? Our records show that you missed a court date two weeks ago and the court has issued a warrant on you, please step out….

Scene: From the cruiser we suddenly see Merkhorn snatch the bottom of the car and start to flip it. We hear the sound of a gun shot and watch Merkhorn stumble back as he flips the car so hard that it flies over the guardrail and crashes onto the roof! The camera jumps from the cruiser as Merkhorn sits on the ground.

Merkhorn on his shoulder radio: Dispatch! Officer Merkhorn at Mile mark 15 Route 394….I've been fired upon….suspect's car is flipped off the road….I need backup now!

Clawhauser on radio: John?! Are you hurt?

Merkhorn: No Benny….I think the shot glanced off my horn.

Officer Johnson (Lion) on radio: Officer Johnson responding to Officer Merkhorn!

Merkhorn: Send EMS for the suspect.

Scene: We see Merkhorn get up, jump the guardrail, pull the suspect lion from his car and put him on the break down lane pavement face down.

Merkhorn: That was the most stupid thing you could have done pal….really stupid!

Scene: Officer Bob Johnson shows up and runs to Merkhorn.

Scene Text: Officer Robert Johnson, 6 years in the ZPD

Bob: John? You alright.

Merkhorn: I think the bullet bounced off my horn Bob.

Bob: Let me see….yeah, there's a mark….it's not bad. Man….(To the Puma) you are one dumb idiot aren't you?

Scene: Bob picks the lion off the ground.

Bob: Get up! Trying to shoot a Rhino with a zip gun? You moron...like that little pee shooter is going to do any real damage? What the hell were you thinking? Obviously? You weren't thinking.

Scene: Bob pulls the puma over to his Cruiser

Bob: Look at me. You and I are going to have a lion to lion discussion and it's a one way conversation here pal, I ask the questions and you answer. You lie to me and you'll be facing worse than an assault charge. Your lucky the law won't hit you with attempted murder for hitting a rhino with a stupid zip gun. Do you understand me? Nod your head yes?

Bob: Now? What's in the car?

Puma: EEEEEEEEEEE Khat man.

Bob: Khat? How much?

Puma: Bout two bags…..EEEEEEEE….five pounds.

Bob: Are you sure? That's all that's in that car?

Puma: Yeah.

Scene: Bob puts the Puma in his cruiser.

Bob: Sit tight.

Scene: Bob walks over to where Merkhorn has flipped the suspect car over and is going through it.

Bob: Sheesh John, you really threw it over didn't you?

Merkhorn: Happens when a bullet bounces off your nog! I saw the barrel and like "Oh heck no sheep nuts!"

Scene: Merkhorn puts two bags of a stalk like plant on the crushed car hood.

Merkhorn: Two bags. That's about five pounds worth.

Scene: Bob handles a bag.

Bob: This is Khat, it's a class C schedule 2 botanical narcotic that's mostly popular with big felines but it affects other animal species differently depending on how much they chew. It's like a spiked sugar cane plant that enhances "cat crazies" you know we cats have this urge to just suddenly run all over the place, slide on stuff, shred paper products and leave rooms a mess except take that and do it in a shopping mall or a school and it becomes a real pain in the neck to clean up and gets expensive to the victims who have to put up with it. This guy is way over the mister meaner possession statute

Scene: Bob and John standing in front of the trashed car.

Bob: You need to try out for the Animalympics John. Good throw.

Scene fade to Z COP logo

Merkhorn: I need to go back to the station to change my shorts.

Scene fade to black.

Scene fade in from black

Scene fade into Z COP logo and then into scene

 **Scene Location: Tundra Town, Glacer Falls District**

Scene: Officer Carlo Grizolli walks into "Blizardos" coffee shop to get a coffee and a morning breakfast pastry.

Background music in the store: Michael Jackson's "Don't stop."

Grizolli: (voice) I'm Carlo Grizolli, I've been a member of the ZPD going on five years now and Tundra Town is my usual patrol beat. Obviously I live here and the Department thinks it's best to put all the polar bear officers in Tundra Town because you're dealing with mostly large winterized animals like other bears, elks, moose, reindeer. It's a great place if you love ice and snow all year round.

Grizolli: I've been coming to "Blizardo's" since I was a cub. You can't beat the pastry, best in the whole town. (To the counter clerk) So what are you making for me this time Rudy?

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer: Salmon patte and bacon wrap with a little maple bark and sauce. Tell me what you think Carl?

Grizolli: I sure will. Later dude.

Scene: The camera follows Grizolli to his cruiser.

Grizolli: As you might expect? Driving around Tundra Town can be difficult because….it snows constantly so the plowing department, though pretty efficient on the main drags, can't keep up with every street and side road so a lot of animals walk to where they need to go or take the ZTA sleds or skate on the "rink ways".

Scene: Grizolli slowly driving around.

Grizolli: Actually, this is a pretty laid back beat shift to pound. The environment is really not supportive of criminals. I had a purse snatcher one time? Didn't even have to chase him because….one….he was a penguin and….two…..Penguins don't run too well on ice. I just walked behind the poor guy because it made my day entertaining.

Scene: We see Grizolli turning around on a street and hitting his lights.

Grizolli: Ok...just got a call from dispatch about a car accident involving a pedestrian hit at a cross walk. This is why you have to be extra careful driving through Tundra Town as well as walking. Many of our insurance companies will not cover Tundra Town because the conditions are so accident prone.

Scene: Grizolli arrives on the scene.

Scene Text: Pedestrian hit by vehicle at Candy Cane Lane and Saint Nick Blvd.

Scene: We see Toothless the dragon sitting on a sidewalk crying with Timon the Merkat trying to console him as the dragon holds his knee. There is a black four door town car near by with a polar bear dressed in a suit standing by the front which is dented by the impact. Grizolli walks over to Toothless and Timon first…

Grizolli: Officer Grizolli. Do you need EMS? Is he injured?

Timon: Only terrified with a bum knee! There there buddy...easy….that big jerk over there saw us crossing and he failed to stop!

Scene: The suited polar bear growls deeply angry.

Grizolli: (To toothless) Easy big fellow...what happened?

Scene: Toothless mouths and gestures then shrugs at Grizolli.

Grizolli: I see. If you're not in need of EMS then just sit tight alright?

Grizolli on radio: Dispatch, Grizolli here at the pedestrian hit at Candy Cane Lane and Saint Nick Blvd. Have EMS standby to respond but the victim just looks very upset with a hurt knee.

Scene: Grizolli walks over to the suited Polar Bear.

Grizolli: Morning Tall Pauley.

Tall Pauley: (Polar Bear) He's lying out his tail hole Carlo.

Scene: Timon stomps up to Grizolli.

Timon: Hey! I smell a favoritism turd growing here...that big stupid jerk hit my friend and you're trying to wiggle "him" out of it!

Tall Pauley: I'll rip you apart you little spit for brains.

Grizolli: Pauley? Let me handle it? Sir? Are you trying to make this a species argument?

Timon: Oh I don't know…..you're both Polar Bears on a first name basis, it's a little obvious that any blind bat could see it from a mile away don't you think?

Grizolli: A fair argument….which is why Sir, I am going to set you on my shoulder so you can watch the whole investigation to assure you everything is up on the level. My advice to you however is to not pick a fight with a polar bear because honestly? You don't even measure up to a snack bar.

Scene: Grizolli puts Timon on his shoulder.

Grizolli (to Pauley): Sir? Do you have a video recorder in the car?

Pauley: Yes we do.

Timon: Now I'm really calling Popsicle sticks. So what if he was a video recorder in the car?

Grizolli: It's been a requirement for five years now that all new cars have them installed because of accidents and let me remind you that since they have been installed, the accident rates in Tundra Town have dropped significantly.

Timon: I bet you he doctored the video too.

Grizolli: These cameras can not be doctored Sir.

Scene: Pauley pulls out the ZIP drive attached to the car camera and hands it to Grizolli.

Grizolli: You both see that I have the stick. We'll walk to my cruiser and plug it into my tablet.

Scene: Grizolli walks to his cruiser, plugs the ZIP stick into his tablet and plays the video. The video shows Timon clearly acting as if he set Toothless up to be bumped by the car.

Grizolli: Care to explain this Sir? It looks to me like you were giving signals to your poor friend to jump out when the light was yellow?

Timon: I told you officer! He doctored the video!

Grizolli: Really Sir?

Scene: Grizolli hits his car radio

Background music: Tommy Roe's 1963 hit "Everybody"

Scene: Grizolli grabs his breakfast wrap and walks over to Toothless.

Grizolli: Hey boy? You want a fish wrap? Huh? Nice juicy Salmon wrap? Dance to the music….

Scene: Toothless dances around smiling and acting foolish showing no pain or hurt then realizes he's been caught and gets moapy and mouthy as if he's insulting Grizolli. Grizolli walks back to his cruiser and turns off the radio.

end background music: Tommy Roe's 1963 hit "Everybody"

Grizolli: (To Timon) Now? You want to keep to your story Sir?

Timon: You're damn right I will! My friend's suffering from mental torture and now you pull this stupid stunt to cover for your fellow Polar Bear! I'm filing a complaint against you pal!

Grizolli: Sigh….You really don't know who you're trying to scam...do you?

Scene: Grizolli (To Pauley): Is he in the car?

Pauley: Yes.

Scene: Grizolli follows Tall Pauley to the black four door car.

Timon: Sheesh….what are going to do? Scare me? Bribe me? Ain't no one changing my mind pal….no one!

Scene: Pauley taps on the back seat window of the black car. Down the window drops and out comes Mister Bog (the Shrew Father) sitting on a Polar Bear hand. Timon sees him and reacts in shocked horror.

Timon: OH SHEEP SKIN!

Mister Big: Do we have a problem here?

Timon: Uh…..no….no…...not at all…..not…..at…...all! (Timon to Toothless) Do we have a problem here buddy?!

Scene: Toothless is bowing like the dickens.

Mister Big: Heh….I thought you had a problem? If you did? I could answer your problem. With a tall glass of water and some ice and you my friend would be one of the cubes….capeesh?

Timon: Yeah…..yeah I "cup cake" trust me. (Timon to Toothless) Buddy? Do you "Cup cake?"

Scene: Toothless grovels up to the car and kisses the Shrew Father on the hand.

Timon: We "cup cake"

Mister Big: Very good that you grew an understanding. Now….apologize to the fine police officer you insulted and I want to see your lips on his feet or you'll be kissing ice blocks in my water pit.

Scene: Timon and Toothless kiss Grizolli's feet.

Mister Big: Now? You and lizard boy get out of Tundra Town like yesterday. If I ever catch you two back here trying another scam on my turf? I'll serve you both to my boys as frozen chew toys…..now…..SCRAM!

Scene: Timon and Toothless run, slip and fall tail over tooth.

Mister Big (To Grizolli) Carlo? You handled that very well. Keep up the good work. You're a great police officer.

Grizolli: Thank you Sir.

Scene: Big Pauley play punches Grizolli on the shoulder before getting into the car and driving off.

Grizolli: (Voice) And no….I am not a member of the Polar Mafia. In fact, only my Grandfather was active within the Polar Mafia. It's a bid dumb stereotype that every Polar Bear is somehow connected to the mob but for me personally? It never interested me, I wanted to be a cop since I was a cub but that doesn't mean we polar bears don't do solids for each other from time to time.

Scene fade to Z COP logo

Grizolli: Tall Pauley after all is my cousin.

Scene fade to black.

Scene fade from black to Z COP logo

Scene fade in

 **Scene Location: Main lobby, 1st Precinct Headquarters ZPD**

Scene: We see Benjamin Clawhauser at his desk going between a donuts and his three computer touch screen monitors.

Clawhauser: (Voice) Hi, I'm Sargent Ben Clawhauser. I've been with the ZPD going on 12 years now and I work both the Department to field officer switchboard, the SWAT tactical call board and administrative stuff such as initial processing of incoming trouble makers and general reception relations for the department.

Clawhauser: I was a beat cop about seven years ago who worked Sahara Square mostly but I was afflicted with severe hip Displacia after taking down a suspect in an attempted car prowl so I was medically retired from field duty and given the reception job. Yeah….not glamorous but I was given the job because being friendly and outgoing to others comes so easy for me.

Scene: Clawhauser looks to see another cheetah (a female cop named Mandy Harlow) coming in with a mouse cuffed and sitting on her paws.

Clawhauser: Are you serious?

Mandy: Morning Ben. Yeah...this would make it the third time this week.

Clawhauser: Tim? (The mouse from Dumbo) What did you do now?

Many: He slapped his wife (an elephant) then bit her in the ear. I got the pictures on my phone.

Scene: Tim'ss not talking. He's sitting looking angry.

Clawhauser: What was it this time? Tim?! I thought I told you that if you guys got into another spat that you'd call me to avoid this!

Clawhouser (to the camera) You see….Tim here is a performer with Circus De Excelentay along with the wife and their boy Dumbo. It's really cool to see. Last week Gazelle performed at the venue, it was awesome! And yet? Here we go again, probably some silly little disagreement. Well James?

Jimmy: She called my new idea idiotic. We like argued a while hour over it you know? I said "I want swing music" and she said "No...Classical music works best." Yada yada yada and boom! Cheese over the moon!"

Clawhauser: No excuse to hit your wife my friend. Absolutely not excuse to bite her either. That's the third domestic James! You know we have to separate you guys and write a stupid restraint order against you, what do you think that does to the show? You need anger management James. Better yet? You need to come back down here so you and I can have a heart to heart because there is more going on than just petty complaining over costumes, ideas and music.

Scene: Sounds of beeping coming from the radio board. Clawhauser moves to flick a switch.

Clawhouser (To radio) Clawhauser here.

Officer Rumblehouse (Hipo) (on radio): Rumbles here Ben! I need back up down at the Flockenberry Mall. Some prankster just piped over the public address that bird feed was free and I got like 500 really ticked off wild turkeys in a rampage here! They're pecking the heck out of me…..get off Sir, complain to the management!

Clawhauser: Oh dear….do you need SWAT?

Officer Rumblehouse: Give me a turkey baster, they'll all have heart attacks and keel over!

Clawhauser: I'll send SWAT for crowd control.

Scene: Clawhauser flips another switch.

Clawhauser: SWAT team. Roll out for crowd control. Wild turkey riot at the Flockenberry. Wild turkey riot at the Flockenberry.

Scene: We see the SWAT team run by the counter.

Clawhauser (To SWAT team): Show some Shake n Bake stuffing mix! That usually makes them behave!

Clawhouser (To Tim) Sigh….look…..Tim? I will call the wife and domestic investigations and try to keep you from trouble but you have to promise me that you'll come back down here so we can talk buddy because a third strike is going to put your circus in the dumps and dang it...I love you guys and I don't want to see your performances end because of this little anger problem of yours?

Scene: Tim looks mournful and remorseful

Clawhauser: Come on Tim...give your number one fan a hug?

Scene: Tim snuggles Clawhauser's cheek as Mandy un-cuffs him.

Clawhauser: Ok? You'll come back down here?

Jimmy: Yeah….thanks Ben.

Scene: Clawhauser pets Tim on the head before Mandy takes him away.

Clawhouser (voice): I'm a strong believer that you should never quit on people when they're having troubles. Yeah...I have a huge soft heart, If I touch just that one nerve that causes someone to turn away from making a mess of their life? Then being a big flabby cop with a lot of soft places to get a friendly cuddle from makes my job worth doing.

Scene: Clawhouser hits a button on his personal radio and Gazelle's "Try Everything" pops up on the station. He starts dancing in place and soon has a following in the lobby as he gets cops and passers by to strut and dance along with him.

Scene fade to Z COP logo

Scene fade to black.

Scene fade from black to Z COP logo

Scene fade in

 **Scene: Rain Forest District, Shaddy Place**

Scene: Wolford and Fangmeyer are cruising on mountain bikes around one of the many elevated bike routes coursing through Rain forest District. They're dressed in bike officer uniforms with sports backpacks.

Wolford: (Voice) I'm Officer Pete Wolford. I've been with the ZPD for six years. My partner Brett Fangmeyer's been on the force for three years. Rain Forest district is a cool place to patrol for us because we're both athletic addicted and much of the District is off limits to cars so you have to bike or use some non-engine way of getting around.

Wolford: (to camera) If we're going to fast man? Just let us know ok? So right now we're crusing through Shaddy Place which is heavily forested and these elevated causeways are the only means to get from place to place. It's normally quiet around here because this is more a residential district and the population are really peaceful and friendly.

Fangmeyer: Except the Chipmunks and Monkeys.

Wolford: Still having those flashbacks?

Fangmeyer: You get into a disagreement and every brother and cousin wants to come out and throw things at you.

Wolford: Brett and I responded to a report of a pranking victim a week ago on Moss Street. Turned out to be a monkey locked in a trash dumpster and that old boy was not happy. He attacked the first guy to open the lid and every cousin within three miles showed up to kick some tail.

Fangmeyer: And what were you doing? Taking selfies while I'm getting my snoot kicked….great help you were.

Wolford: You held your own pretty well didn't you?

Scene Shift

Scene: Wolford and Fangmeyer are now flying over the causeway with the lights on their bikes flashing and their sirens going off. Animals are swiftly getting to the sides as the two wolves scream past them.

Wolford: Ok, we just got a call from Clawhauser at headquarters that some one called in an emergency about a bear cub hanging high in a tree near here by his leg.

Scene: The two wolves pull up to a group of different species cubs with a couple of adults (A female grizzly bear and a sloth) waving them down.

Wolford: Officers Wolford and Fangmeyer what's the situation?

Cub 1: We were just playing with some rope swings in the trees and…..and Eddy fell!

Cub 2: We had the ropes around our waists and freddy's came loose and he swung really hard and he hit his head bad.

Scene: Fangmeyer pulls off his pack, pulls out a pair of binoculars and scans the tree tops in the dense forest.

Fangmeyer: I got him….the rope's around his ankle, he's hanging upside down, I think I see blood on his head but I'm not sure.

Wolford: What is that Brett? 110 feet off the ground?

Fangmeyer: Yeah….at least. He's about 75 from the crown of the trees. The canopy here is thick as syrup.

Wolford: (To grizzly mother) How long has he been hanging there?

Mother: At least 20 minutes...please….do something!

Fangmeyer: High line's going to be a trick.

Wolford: (on radio) Hauser? This is Wolford.

Clawhauser: (On radio) Go ahead.

Wolford: (on radio) Calling in on the emergency in Rain Forest. It's a tough spot but the only way I see us getting this kid down is by a little bird and a rat line. Request you send Rocky with Virgil and his EMT pack. I'll find a place to pop smoke for a pick up.

Clawhauser: (on radio) Little bird and EMT coming soon.

 **Scene Shift**

 **Scene Location: 1st District Head Quarters roof, Downtown Zootopia**

Scene: Two flying foxes are running to fire up the OH-1 "Little Bird" with an Orangutan EMT dressed in a red flight suit behind them.

Cameo: The Orangutan is "Virgil" from the 1972 Planet of the Apes Sequel "Battle of the Planet of the Apes."

Flying fox pilot: Pumps up…..hydraulics up…..batteries up…..engine start.

Screen text: Virgil Tang, 1st Precinct EMT. Seven years with the ZPD.

Virgil: (On radio) Wolford this is Virgil. Can you give me a description of what you can tell from where you're at?

Wolford: (On radio) The kid's been hanging upside down for about twenty minutes. He was swinging with a rope that's wrapped around his ankle and we think he has blood coming from a head wound. He might be unconscious. I'm going to do a rat line harness drop through the canopy.

Virgil: We're lifting off now….ETA around eight minutes.

 **Scene Shift**

 **Scene: Rain Forest District, Shaddy Place**

Scene: Wolford is looking for a place to pop a smoke marker so the little bird can drop a harness line through the tree canopy.

Wolford: (To camera) Here's a good spot. See above we have a decent break in the canopy to get pulled up and through without the line snagging. The pain in the tail is going to be where we have to break through to reach the bear cub which is why I have this nice machete.

Scene: Wolford pulls out a smoke grenade.

Wolford: Pull pin….shake…...drop.

Scene: The smoke rises up through the canopy break and soon the smoke gets blown around by the now hovering little bird.

Wolford: And now the fun begins.

Scene: Wolford quickly straps on his harness and lowers a pair of goggles over his eyes.

Wolford: Have to wear goggles because of the branches and twigs. Problem is….they're a real pain in the rump when you need to see what you're doing. Once I break the canopy though, I should be able to slip em off.

Wolford: (By radio to Fangmeyer) Hey Brett? If I'm having trouble finding the kid once I come through the canopy? Tell me where to go.

Fangmeyer: (By radio) No problem….eyes on. Be careful?

Wolford: I intend too.

Scene: Wolford hooks up the dropped rat line to his harness and signals for the Little Bird to pull him up. The camera's are with Fangmeyer and in the little bird so everything is seen from their perspective.

 **View from the Little Bird**

Wolford: (by radio) Ok….more forwards…..more forwards….more forwards …...left a little bit…...more left….right…...here. Ok….I'm going to do a little hacking away to make an opening.

 **View from Fangmeyer**

Fangmeyer: (on Radio) I see you Pete! You're about….ten feet to the….hard to get a direction in this place.

Wolford: North. The kid is Southwest.

Scene: We see Wolford drop through the canopy.

Wolford: Ok….I see him. Good thing these are Red Woods and not Cedar trees.

Scene: Wolford is calling directions to the Little Bird and soon he's at the tree and over the unconscious bear cub.

Wolford: (by radio) Yeah….the kid bashed his head really good. I got a laceration behind the right ear about three inches long. The ankle where the rope caught is broken. Kid got jerked pretty hard but the rope saved him. I'm going to get this harness around him first, then this neck brace around his neck to immobilize his head then turn him right side up and cut the rope around the ankle.

Scene: We see Wolford work over the cub and soon they're free swinging away from the tree.

Wolford: (by radio) Ok…..go go go…..

 **View from the Little Bird**

Scene: We see Wolford and the bear cub being lifted through the canopy and into the little bird which wastes no time in starting off towards the Zootopia General Hospital with Pete, Virgil and the cub in the back.

Virgil: Definite concussion. Pete? Would you apply the ankle brace to the leg there?

Virgil: Serious laceration with a lot of blood loss by I don't believe there was any cranial damage. I'm getting nerve response in the knees and elbows so he's not in coma...good blessing there. I think he will be alright.

 **Scene Shift**

 **Scene: Rain Forest District, Shaddy Place**

Scene: Wolford notifies Fangmeyer about the cub's condition and Fangmeyer talks to the mother.

Fangmeyer: My partner just called me….your son's going to be alright. His ankle's broken and he got a good gash on the head but he should come out of it perhaps a little wiser? Bears make lousy monkeys.

Mother bear: Well he might come out of it with half a butt when his father gets the hospital bill.

Fangmeyer: That certainly was not our typical day in the field….

Scene fade to Z COP logo

Fangmeyer: but they say excitement is always good for the heart you know.

Scene fade to black.

End of Act 1


	2. Chapter 2

ZCOPS

A Zootopia television script

By Dan 1966

© Zootopia. Disney Animated Studios 2016

For fandom enjoyment only. No monitary gains sought nor desired. All rights respected.

 **ACT** **2**

Scene fade in from black

Scene fade into Z COP logo and then into scene.

 **Scene Location: Downtown Zootopia, Acacia Street**

Scene: Judy and Nick are in a room at an Inn on Acacia Street where Nick is getting dressed to look like a "Solicitating" Vixen.

Judy Hopps (voice): I'm Lieutenant Judy Hopps. I've been with the ZPD going on four years now. My partner is Officer Nick Wilde who's been on the force close to three and a half years now. What we're getting ready to do is a sting for animals looking to "solicit" services from a "street walker".

Scene: Judy is tying up a corset around Nick's waist.

Judy: That's as kind a description I can give you about this. Nick gets picked for this operation mostly because he's a fox and he was probably the most experienced street hustler in Zootopia before he became a cop.

Nick: You're so kind carrots.

Scene: Nick raises his hands as Judy works to attach a set of fake breasts on Nick's chest.

Nick: The most solicited animal in Zootopia is a vixen, mostly because we foxes are notoriously vane about our fur, especially our tails. I swear I spend more money on perk products for my tail than anything. What female foxes, especially young ones, are made to do for some people absolutely get me snarling. Some animals actually get a "jolly charge" from a naked vixen around their neck or cuddling and snuggling them….it is absolutely degrading for a tiger to be wearing a naked and shivering vixen around his neck like some piece of damn bling. There's worse. We've found vixens "bob tailed". I don't like dressing up as a vixen but if it nails some dirt bags and gets some young vixens out of this abuse? I tolerate the embarrassment.

Scene: Judy helps Nick into his clothes and works on the make up.

Judy: So…..there's three of us tonight. Officer Jackson is in the lobby right now. We won't call him in unless we get an animal we can't handle ourselves in the take down phase of the plan. Usually when you get this big Bengal tiger coming out with a truncheon, you won't keep resisting.

Scene: Nick looks at himself in a mirror and shows a piece of neck bling.

Nick: This is a voice changer device that'll turn my voice "drippy" meaning it'll cause serious drool when I start talking. The plan is to sucker the animals looking for a solicit to follow me into the lobby where myself and carrots will take them down. Or we'll get super lucky and nail a "solicitor" who might think he or she is big and bad enough to drag me into their car.

Scene: Nick starts walking out onto the street to start the sting while Judy in plain clothes walks to a place where she can cover Nick in case he needs help. Judy will move to the Inn when Nick attracts a "John" and nail the animal when they come through the lobby door.

Nick (voice): So the trick is to wiggle rump, wag the tail and look cute enough to attract an animal looking for a solicit. We've seen em as small as otters to as large as horses and Zebra but I've yet to see something like a rhino or an elephant; that just doesn't happen with your very large land walkers.

Scene: Nick goes into his act. He's on a wire radio to Judy.

Judy (radio): Nice panties there Nick.

Nick (radio): What are you watching for?

Judy (radio): Why don't you turn on "Dale Dorse the amazing horse" on WZ00 FM 200 and get it on? Wag that tail girl! Work that rump!

Nick (radio): Want me to forget I'm a vixen and kick your cotton tail Hopps?

Judy:(radio) Mmmm...you're turning me into a lez-bun-bun I swear.

Scene: We see a car slowing down as it comes closer to Nick.

Judy (radio): Looks like he's interested.

Nick (Radio): It's an antelope.

Scene: We watch the interaction between the antelope and Nick from a distance. It's all on radio.

Nick: Hi sugar.

Antelope: Hi sweety.

Nick: You lookin for some fun?

Antelope: What's your specialty?

Nick: Cuddles and snuggles...you wanna wear me around your neck? Wanna rub my furry self all over you?

Antelope: That and more you cute thing.

Nick: Ok….I have a room at the Inn over there. How about six hours for a hundred or three hours for thirty?

Antelope: Three hours sounds nice.

Scene: Nick blows the antelope a kiss and walks towards the Inn.

Scene: We see Nick walk into the lobby with the antelope. Judy jumps out of a chair and pulls a taser and a badge. Nick also pulls his own taser and a pair of cuffs.

Judy: Sir! You're under arrest for illegal solicitation! Get against that wall, hands on your head, spread the legs!

Antelope: Damn cops.

Nick: I'd shut up moron. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. If you can't afford a lawyer, a public defender will be provided at your expense.

Antelope: Don't you look cute officer?

Scene: Nick smiles then kicks for the uprights and puts the antelope on the floor.

Nick: Oops….I missed that fly. I really should stop trying to Karate Cub flies.

Scene: Officer Johnson comes into the lobby to drag the antelope into a room.

Judy: The Inn Keeper is nice enough to keep the first floor rooms empty so we can use them as temporary cells until the chuck wagon arrives to haul them off to jail.

Scene: Nick returns to his place and struts his stuff again. It's not long before another car shows up….somewhat hilarious….it's a mouse car.

Nick (radio): Are you seeing this?

Judy (Audio): Tell me I am not seeing this?

Scene: Nick bends down to speak with the mouse who's climbed upon the sidewalk from his small car.

Mouse: Hey there Vixy Chick-zee

Nick (radio): Hey there….what are you looking for?

Mouse: A snuggle and some tongue action….if you get the drift?

Nick (Radio): Are you sure? I mean….really?

Mouse: What? You got a problem with my size?

Nick (Radio): I'm just a little concerned because you're so small and you're asking a lot that's not…..

Mouse: Let me ask you vixy? Do you need the money? Trust me, my tongue can do you wonders.

Judy (Radio): Just take him right there Nick.

Scene: Nick picks the mouse up in his hands and rubs his snoot all over him.

Nick: (Radio): You're right...I do need the money. How long do you want?

Mouse: I'll give you sixty bucks for four hours.

Nick (radio): Ok…..but first? I'm a police officer and you're busted for solicitation there Jerry boy.

Scene: Nick suddenly shakes his hand and arm then fox dives for the pavement.

Nick (radio): YOU LITTLE BASTARD! HE BIT MY HAND!

Scene: Nick comes up with the angry mouse by the tail as Judy comes running over with an evidence bag in her hand…

Judy ( radio): SIR! STOP THE STUPID RESISTING OR I'LL THROW YOU IN THIS SEAL TIGHT BAG TILL YOU PASS OUT!

Mouse: THIS IS ENTRAPMENT!

Nick: (radio) You're the one talking up the expert tongue! Sheesh those teeth smart!

Mouse: Hope I gave you rabies you stupid cop!

Judy (radio): You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. If you can't afford a lawyer, a public defender will be provided at your expense. Now I advise you to shut your stupid squeaky trap!

Scene: Judy walks off with the mouse in her glove protected hand as Nick stands tending to his own hand.

Nick (radio): Little cheese sucker. Damn they have sharp teeth.

Scene: Nick returns to his walking around and soon he attracts another animal.

Nick (radio): Carrots? Here comes a tiger. Tell Johnson to get ready? We're not going to take down this guy without tasers and tiger claws.

Scene: The car stops and Nick begins to do his push.

Nick (Radio): What can I do for you kitty?

Tiger: What could I do for you is the question sweet cakes.

Nick (Radio): You can give me a dose of your tiger hormones there you feline stud.

Scene: Just then the back door of the car flies open and a panther jumps out and snatches Nick up!

Judy (Radio): We have a snatch and grab! Johnson!

Scene: Judy pulls her 9mm handgun and is in a run by the time Nick is pulled into the car. The loud sound of an air gun going off is Nick's own taser/dart gun shooting the panther in the back seat. The car peals out just as Officer Johnson shows up with a shotgun. He blasts a steel slug into the engine block disabling the car. Johnson runs to the driver side and puts the shotgun to the other tiger's head.

Johnson: GET OUT OF THE VEHICLE NOW! GET OUT OR I'LL SHOOT YOUR STUPID HEAD OFF! DO IT NOW!

Scene: The Tiger flops out of the drivers seat as Nick stumbles from the back seat as Judy runs up to him.

Judy: Nick! Nick….you alright?

Nick: Yeah...I nailed the panther in the neck.

Scene: Judy climbs into the car to cuff the panther while Johnson slams the driver down on the hood.

Johnson: Wilde? You ok?

Nick: Oh yeah….when Tony the Tiger there saw his partner get tagged in the neck, he panic'd. I'm good.

Scene: Nick walks over to the driver and pulls out a picture.

Nick: Carrots? This is the guy the Chief marked for us.

Scene: Nick reaches for the items pulled from the driver's clothes and snags the car keys.

Nick: Just going to do a quick rifling through the car.

Scene: Nick opens the trunk and suddenly starts running at the driver when Judy catches him…

Judy: NICK!

Nick: YOU SICK DIRT BAG! YOU BASTARD!

Judy: NICK! CALM DOWN!…...Johnson...get that piece of dirty cat feces out of here?!…..

Scene: We see why Nick is so upset when he goes back to the trunk and starts pulling fox vixen kits (cubs) from the trunk of various young ages from a toddler to a young teenager. He pulls tape off their snoots and wrists.

Nick: You're all ok now…

Scene: Nick flashes his badge and hugs all the kits as Judy picks one up.

Judy: (voice) When we come across something this sick? It makes us want to try even harder to put an end to it. There's some real sick dirt bags in Zootopia but that's why we do the job we do every day.

Scene fade to Z COP logo

Nick: Someone has to put up with the stench to take the trash out.

Scene fade to black.

Start background music: COPS theme

End credits roll

black

end of episode


End file.
